So in most companies, I mean, really structured companies nowadays, whenever a colleague wants to leave for another company, probably to another job, or study outside the country, or relocate abroad, they usually hold a small party, you know, where they talk about the employee, and they give gifts to the employee. Basically, it’s the teams, not the full company; yeah, the team, the department the employee belongs to, that does it. There’s this phrase that’s usually said, and most times, it actually become the opposite of what they are meant for.
Now, they usually tell their colleague, ‘Don’t be a stranger.’
Have you heard that phrase before? Don’t be a stranger. And at the end of the day, some ex-colleagues end up being strangers. So what does that mean? It means they don’t call. It means they don’t reach out for, you know, assistance. It means they don’t keep in touch via chat, via messages, etc. And there are certain reasons I have come to discover why that happens. So the next time you are telling someone, ‘Don’t be a stranger’, try to evaluate what you are saying and put it in your own context.
These are the reasons why I believe the phrase ‘Don’t be a stranger’ actually makes ex-colleagues actually be a stranger. Now, follow me…
1. Mounted Pressure
The phrase, ‘Don’t be a stranger’, actually puts pressure on a colleague leaving. So you could call it pressure mounting up. Now, the reason is that if my colleagues are telling me, don’t be a stranger, it’s as if they are exonerating themselves from the responsibility of actually being in touch with me themselves. So ‘Don’t be a stranger’ being told to me is just like telling me: always call, always chat up, always keep in touch. Why should I be the one to always do that? Why can’t it be, you know, mutually inclusive? Why can’t it be something we do 50-50? Why can’t it be a responsibility we share? Why put that subtle pressure or demand on me not to be a stranger when it’s actually something both of us can do, and everybody will be happy at the end of the day?
2. Experience and Team Culture
Now, the second reason I believe ex-colleagues actually become strangers is due to previous experience. We are aware of office politics. We are aware of things that go on in the office, you know, bitterness, bad energy, and the like. A team or department that has not caught up with that culture of togetherness, that culture of teamwork, that culture of looking out for each other, even when everybody’s available, believe me, when colleagues leave that team, they will definitely become strangers to that team. I assure you. 80, 70% of the time, they become strangers because the culture has not been in place in the department already. So when they leave, they actually become strangers, even if you play the drums of ‘Don’t be a stranger’ in their ears.
So when this is not a culture that has been embedded in them, or when it’s not a culture that the team practices, or even the company practices, they become strangers.
3. Situation of Life
The third reason I think ex-employees or ex-colleagues actually become strangers is because of life out there is tough. Life out there is tough. And most people who leave their jobs don’t leave just because they secured another job or because they relocated for any reason, or probably they are being laid off or asked to resign. They tend to want to face the world out there. And believe me, it is not easy. It is not easy at all because life out there is tough, especially for a country that is still developing, for countries that the government have not actually taken time to, you know, put one or two things together. Life is not easy. So if ex-colleagues don’t reach out or they become strangers, I mean… Do you reach out because they might be going through a lot, they might be going through one or two things, and they are not able to keep in touch any longer.
4. New Workplace Workload
So another reason I believe ex-employees actually become strangers after leaving their workplace is that wherever they’ve gone, they need time to settle in place. They need time to fit in. So if I leave a certain culture, if I leave a certain company, I’m leaving the culture, the way of life of that company, the mentality of that company. I’m leaving everything to a new environment, to a new environment, not in terms of physical environment per se, but in terms of the office, in terms of job, in terms of job description, in terms of boss, in terms of colleagues, it’s going to be everything fresh, everything new. And due to the kind of work, they need time to settle in. So during that period when they leave the former company, and they’re settling in the new company, they may not have time to reach out. And during that period, they definitely become strangers because sometimes it takes one month, sometimes two months, three months, sometimes five months, sometimes a year, and you just forget, oh, I had a job then before, my former company, or I’ll have colleagues in my former company.
So these are the reasons I believe ex-colleagues become strangers. Do you have any reason if you encountered any before why ex-colleagues become strangers? Let me know in the comments.